undoubtedly about you
“Come with me and live again.”
That basically sums up what he wanted me to do. All of his words and efforts mean only one thing, that is, with him I’d be alive again. My eyes would be smiling again, my lips would be laughing and my heart would begin to beat again in that steady, undisturbed rhythm it used to have. He was offering me all that and I refused. What was even more ironic was that he was offering me everything and all I can give in return was gratitude. I actually said “Thank you”. But he only wanted my simple “yes”. He didn’t even ask me to jump. He just wanted me to take his hand and trust. I never did. I was too preoccupied with chasing a foolish dream and busied myself with things that had nothing to do with us. And while he was laying his heart at my feet, I was too busy building defenses. I was afraid to love him because I don’t know how to equal his love for me. So, I gave him my thanks and then said sorry. It was one of those cold, ruthless and insensible goodbyes that people hate. And yet here he is, chiding himself for making a fool of himself over me again and probably smacking his head in a vain effort to knock some sense into it. But he is nevertheless here, smiling at me again in that slow curvy smile, laughing that deep rumble of his and looking at me as if I’ve got some halo above my head. He is hesitant and a bit distant but he is brave enough to respond to my call and reach out to me again. And that HUMBLES me. I know I don’t deserve that. But right now, I am really selfish enough to grab what Cupid has sent in my way. I’m taking a chance this time around. If he would offer again I’d take his hand and trust. This time it would be different because I’m making damn sure it would be. Now I won’t let him go away. I would never make him feel desperate or helpless again. He is not going to weep and feel that there is nothing to hold on to. I’m going to make sure I would not anymore be the cause of that bitter hurt that filled his eyes or that solemn mask that occupy his face. I am going to make him smile again. This time I’m going to love him the right way. So God please let me be worthy of him. Let me love him the way he deserves to be.
---------------------------------------------------------------
written during one tedious day at school
after a solemn conversation with a law school friend about love
and done while waiting for the most feared professor during that semester to call me for recitation
and so then I end this by asking---
must you always believe the worst of me every time I do something different?
must you always hurt me when you feel vulnerable?
and must you always hurl the hurts of the past back and make me feel
guilty every time we quarrel?
P.S
but that does not excuse my being on the defensive all the time...
I own up to my share in the fight...
I undoubtedly failed in what I had endeavored to do...
I hurt you time and time again...
and I 'm sorry
oh and btw,
I really do CARE...
and I am hurt that you thought that I don't
That basically sums up what he wanted me to do. All of his words and efforts mean only one thing, that is, with him I’d be alive again. My eyes would be smiling again, my lips would be laughing and my heart would begin to beat again in that steady, undisturbed rhythm it used to have. He was offering me all that and I refused. What was even more ironic was that he was offering me everything and all I can give in return was gratitude. I actually said “Thank you”. But he only wanted my simple “yes”. He didn’t even ask me to jump. He just wanted me to take his hand and trust. I never did. I was too preoccupied with chasing a foolish dream and busied myself with things that had nothing to do with us. And while he was laying his heart at my feet, I was too busy building defenses. I was afraid to love him because I don’t know how to equal his love for me. So, I gave him my thanks and then said sorry. It was one of those cold, ruthless and insensible goodbyes that people hate. And yet here he is, chiding himself for making a fool of himself over me again and probably smacking his head in a vain effort to knock some sense into it. But he is nevertheless here, smiling at me again in that slow curvy smile, laughing that deep rumble of his and looking at me as if I’ve got some halo above my head. He is hesitant and a bit distant but he is brave enough to respond to my call and reach out to me again. And that HUMBLES me. I know I don’t deserve that. But right now, I am really selfish enough to grab what Cupid has sent in my way. I’m taking a chance this time around. If he would offer again I’d take his hand and trust. This time it would be different because I’m making damn sure it would be. Now I won’t let him go away. I would never make him feel desperate or helpless again. He is not going to weep and feel that there is nothing to hold on to. I’m going to make sure I would not anymore be the cause of that bitter hurt that filled his eyes or that solemn mask that occupy his face. I am going to make him smile again. This time I’m going to love him the right way. So God please let me be worthy of him. Let me love him the way he deserves to be.
---------------------------------------------------------------
written during one tedious day at school
after a solemn conversation with a law school friend about love
and done while waiting for the most feared professor during that semester to call me for recitation
and so then I end this by asking---
must you always believe the worst of me every time I do something different?
must you always hurt me when you feel vulnerable?
and must you always hurl the hurts of the past back and make me feel
guilty every time we quarrel?
P.S
but that does not excuse my being on the defensive all the time...
I own up to my share in the fight...
I undoubtedly failed in what I had endeavored to do...
I hurt you time and time again...
and I 'm sorry
oh and btw,
I really do CARE...
and I am hurt that you thought that I don't
posted by RaNt at
5:17 AM
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