RaNt

Friday, March 27, 2009

Graduation 03/27/09



Because the world is poor and starving, go with bread.
Because the world is filled with fear, go with courage.
Because the world is in despair, go with hope.
Because the world is living lies, go with truth.
Because the world is sick with sorrow, go with joy.
Because the world is weary of wars, go with peace.
Because the world is seldom fair, go with justice.
Because the world is under judgment, go with mercy.
Because the world will die without it,


go with love.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

cowardice.

BLUE ROAST

For the first time in weeks he was alone.
His short haired girl was nowhere in sight
and I felt
thoroughly excited. Perhaps I can give him
my blue rose...
then the time came for the rose giving...
I scanned the crowd which wasn't easy
since my friends were busy taking pictures
and most were clamoring for attention..
but I saw him and for a few minutes I
allowed myself to stare unashamedly
and just when I was about to take
a step toward him..his girlfriend
came and passionately hugged him..
and since I am every inch a coward
I was not able to give him my blue rose..:(

and while I was busy disguising
my utter regret...another "worthy blue rose
crush" came..he was nonchalantly making
his way towards me and my heart started
beating erratically...
I immediately looked at his hand and was dismayed
that he was not carrying a rose...
but then he laughed and conversed playfully
with me and after
he held my hands I suddenly found myself
having an urgent desire to give him my
blue rose but another attack
of cowardice prevented me from doing
that...
what started out as a beautiful evening
filled with laughter and happy memories
despite the unpredictable rain
ended with utter regret...

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

back from overnyt! :)

You entered: Elizabeth Unay

There are 13 letters in your name.
Those 13 letters total to 59
There are 6 vowels and 7 consonants in your name.

What your first name means:Shakespearean Female 'King Richard III' Elizabeth, Queen to King Edward IV.
Hebrew Female My God is bountiful;God of plenty. Elizabeth was mother of John the Baptist in the bible. In England Queen Elizabeth I and II.One of the most frequently used names in England.
Greek Female From the Hebrew Elisheba, meaning either oath of God, or God is satisfaction. Famous bearer: Old Testament Elizabeth was mother of John the Baptist and one of the earliest known bearers of this name; Queen Elizabeth II.
English Female My God is bountiful;God of plenty. Elizabeth was mother of John the Baptist in the bible. In England Queen Elizabeth I and II. One of the most frequently used names in England.
Biblical Female The oath or fullness of God
Arthurian Legend Female Sister of Mark.


Your number is: 5

The characteristics of #5 are: Expansiveness, visionary, adventure, the constructive use of freedom.

The expression or destiny for #5:
The number 5 Expression endows with the wonderful characteristic of multi-talents and versatility. You can do so many things well. The tone of the number 5 is constructive freedom, and in your drive to attain this freedom, you will likely be the master of adaptability and change. You are good at presenting ideas and knowing how to approach people to get what you want. Naturally, this gives you an edge in any sort of selling game and spells easy success when it comes to working with people in most jobs. Your popularity may lead you toward some form of entertainment or amusement. Whatever you do, you are clever, analytical, and a very quick thinker.

If there is too much of the 5 energy in your makeup, you may express some the negative attitudes of the number. Your restless and impatient attitude may keep you from staying with any project for too long. Sometimes you can be rather erratic and scatter yourself and your energies. You have a hard time keeping regular office hours and maintaining any sort of a routine. You tend to react strongly if you sense that your freedom of speech or action is being impaired or restricted in any way. As clever as you are, you may have a tendency to make the same mistakes over and over again because much of your response is glib reaction rather that thoughtful application. You are in a continuous state of flux brought by constantly changing interests.

Your Soul Urge number is: 6

A Soul Urge number of 6 means:
With a number 6 Soul Urge, you would like to be appreciated for your ability to handle responsibility. Your home and family are likely to be a strong focus for you, perhaps the strongest focus of your life. Friendship, love, and affection are high on your list of priorities for a happy life. You have a lot of diplomatic tendencies in your makeup, as you a able to rectify and balance situations with an innate skill. You like working with people rather than by yourself. It is extremely important for you to have harmony in your environment at all times.

The positive side of the 6 Soul Urge produces a huge capacity for responsibility; you are always there and ready to assume more than your share of the load. If you possess positive 6 Soul Urges and express them, you are known for your generosity, understanding and deep sympathetic attitude. Strong 6 energy is very giving of love, affection, and emotional support. You may have the inclination to teach or serve your community in other idealistic ways. You have natural abilities to help people. You are also likely to have artistic and creative leanings.

If you have an over-supply of 6 energy in your makeup, you may express some of the negative traits common to this number. With such a strong sympathetic attitude, it is easy to become too emotional. Sometimes the desires to render help can be over done, and it can become interfering and an attitude that is too protective, rather than helpful. The person with too much 6 energy often finds that people tend to take advantage of this very giving spirit. You may tend to repress your own needs so that you can cater to the demands from others. At times, there may be a tendency in this, for becoming over-loaded with such demands, and as a result become resentful.

Your Inner Dream number is: 8

An Inner Dream number of 8 means:
You dream of success in the business or political world, of power and control of large material endeavors. You crave authority and recognition of executive skills. Your secret self may have very strong desire to become an entrepreneur.

Monday, March 16, 2009

Dotted black posts and long words.

Perception
some people are blessed with acute perception. they can see almost every detail and perceived without much effort things that are hidden. it would be greatly discomfiting to meet one. and it would be very much of a hassle should you become the object of interest of one. trust me i know...

Past life
lately due to lack of things to do i found myself immersed in an excruciating mental exercise. reliving memories of a life that i had almost forgotten and would have totally forgotten had i not stubbornly cling to some mementos. i don't really know why i had been surprised to see how some things have changed a lot while others have remained unerringly the same. its like some things were meant to be frozen forever in the same fashion that they have been made while others were meant to be totally forgotten. but what is really bizarre in this sad polaristic nature of things is the fact that the ones that i want to keep are the ones that were meant to be written in sand and the ones that i would be glad to throw away were the ones that were meant to be encased in dashing crystal.

Commitment
a friend amidst puffs of dirty smoke asked me about commitment. if i can really see myself committing. it was an honestly curious question that i thought deserved an honest answer. my automatic answer would usually be a YES but after the many changes in my life and the circumstances that i am in now i answered differently. it wasn't really a question of loyalty because past relationships are proof enough of how loyal i can be. and it was not about the amount of affection i can give or the degree of emotion i can invest because the long arduous task of recovery after each end of relationship are also evidence enough of how much i can love. i guess what it was really about is my total lack of understanding of myself. i am somewhat in a crossroads right now which was kind of surprising really since i thought that the self discovery and identity crisis ended when i was 18. i answered "someday but not today" because i thought that it would be unfair for me to impose myself on someone when i am still uncertain of my future and most importantly of who i really am. i enjoy flings as much as anyone does but i do miss the daily delights and security that only a relationship can give. but really i don't think that my own delight and security are worth enough to cause someone else's unhappiness. And while i truly miss going to games to watch my man play it rough with other men or see him strut his stuff in the dancefloor and all the hugging and kissing that came afterward i would gladly give it all up just so i could finally be at peace with myself. selfish? NO---just loving myself MORE

Rifts
are obviously a part of life that cannot be avoided. arguments, lies and bad endings peppered my existence. who would blame me if i fall into pits of depression every now and then? sometimes it is so hard to be ME. i wish i could just go away and elope with some man that a lot of people would not approve of then go to Canada or somewhere equally far so long as i can escape my life. but alas i think too highly of myself to do that and i end up fighting bouts of occasional depression. so too end the latest rift what do i say? "JUST LET ME BE YOUNG ONE MORE TIME AND THEN I WOULD PLAY THE ROLE OF ADULT THE REST OF MY LIFE, EXACTLY THE WAY YOU ALWAYS EXPECTED ME TO" super dramatic but also undoubtedly anti-climactic and non-effective.

Reform
for the past years i keep waiting for that defining moment where my life would stop its staccato fall toward the depths of Hade's abode only to be disappointed time and again when it never came. it was only recently that i realized that i should not wait for it but instead work hard to attain that wished for moment. in fact the moment that i was waiting for is not really a moment, it is a collection of many moments. reformation is a process, it is best to remember that.

Survival
i remember my 18th birthday celebration. i was the epitome of happiness that day. my braces were already gone and i can then actually smile as widely as i can without injuring my lips. my friends were there to celebrate that special day with me and my family organized the event quite beautifully. i was recently accepted in my dream university and my future looked totally bright. and i was contentedly in love. i felt like i was on top of the world. it was the closest that i ever felt to experiencing heaven. but then as expected nothing is really permanent and so everything came crashing down. insecurities, heartaches, failures, death and bad grades bombarded the years that followed. they were things that i was unfamiliar with and there i was groping blindly about. alone and feeling pitiable. it was hell.
but the prime animal instict of survival saved me. here i am now,22 and disillusioned and scarred for the rest of my life but undeniably more learned in the ways of life on earth. and still fighting mind you...

Sunday, March 15, 2009

old world syndrome...

Days are slow and nights are often spent in dreamless abandon. You wake up in a monotonous routine and go to sleep in the same almost boring fashion. No phones that ring disturb your precious morning sleep and no list of tasks to occupy your cherished afternoons. You eat when you want and even when you don't want to. You drink when you feel like it. And you sleep as if there is no night to fill. 

I had often wondered how I would fare in the old world...

and now I have my answer.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

cleaning memories.































































































I was cleaning my school stuffs yesterday...

and it was such an emotional though admittedly

dirty chore...

I knew I wouldn't be able to really write elaborately

about it so I just took photos...

my four years in college in a snapshot..hahaha!

I had my share of Fs and Ds but I also have a fairly

good share of As and B+s...

went through Dacanay, Barbaza, Strebel, Domdom, Bernal

etc...

and after a thousand pages of readings, hundreds of calculations

and many sleepless nights

I am finally graduating

I may not be a cum laude but I am proud of myself...

for making it this far

and graduating on time

hahaha!


 
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