on gayness.

A new guy friend asked me why I said that it would be very scary and traumatic to suddenly find myself dating or in love with a gay guy. I answered rather poorly and I obviously did not convince him of my answer. Now that I had enough time to mull things through, I was able to better conceptualize my feelings on the matter. My answer is not based on some mistaken belief that homosexuality is a necessary evil. I know that it is not ultimately wrong just because it was a different situation and can sometimes be called an abnormality. My answer, I suppose, is something akin to having hope. Perhaps this would be better understood if I illustrate it. When you fall in love with a guy and he cheats on you and then you find out about the other girl. Your natural reaction would be to feel both angry and hurt. But besides all those conflicting emotions, if you are to be really honest to yourself, you would admit that there is some thread of hope left. Somewhere lodged in the deepest recesses of your heart is the hope that maybe, just maybe, he would find you attractive again and you could win him back. There is always that tiny spark of hope left because you know that no matter what happens you could still fight. It is a well known fact that we could not always win every battle but at least you always have a chance to win. You always have a fighting chance at the battlefield. But when the guy you love told you that he is in love with another guy. The playing field suddenly tips out of balance. With a situation like that, you could never win. In fact it would be pointless to fight. At every turn, you would always be the loser. You would not even be given a chance to prove yourself. How could you even hope to win him back? Can you suddenly be a man yourself? Obviously, you cannot and neither can you make him change. That said, can you disprove my claim?

past-tense.

I regret not choosing you.
We would have been happy.
Not that I had been unhappy.
Its just that I miss you.

super random.

this quote irritates me!
I don't believe that ex-lovers should be friends.
Just like what Edmund Fred (author of "I love
you today. We'll separate tomorrow") said:
"Ex-lovers cannot be friends. If they do so it's
either they still love each other or they never
really loved each other at all."

---I completely disagree. Not only is this fallacious, it
is also written with obvious bitterness. Obviously,
we cannot be friends immediately with our exes for
varied reasons but given enough time we could learn to
forgive, move on with our lives and somehow be
friends again.
Never really loved each other at all???wtf!!!

Rainy days:
makes me grumpy, lazy and unproductive
i really don't like rain !

law school update:
I am way behind schoolwork even if I stayed up late
till one am and woke up early as in four am...
must adjust soon!!!
also...
there is this recurrent question at school
why did you decide to take up law?
my classmate's answer:
It was really my father who wanted me to go to law school. Now, I have come to
realize that I want to be a lawyer because it strengthens my individuality.
---I totally agree!
really loving law school! :)

on the new people in my life
ALL SMILES! CHEERS!

Honestly.

this time there is no going back.
I am here and I am going through.
For if I am to be honest
I know that I really want this.
so I am going to say this once and
for all.
I WANT TO BE A LAWYER.
AND I AM GOING TO BE A BEDAN LAWYER
IN FOUR YEARS NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS.

trigger=memories.

Xocolat.Liz?Bkt d2 ka nagaaral?Hug.Kiss.Ay Sorry naman ang kapal ng libro nya.Balitaan mo ko dyan ha.Blue overpass. Sunny afternoon. tambay at RMT. Kuya Guard not checking if I have ID.SecondBell. Students running late.Aegisyearbook. 3 volumes??? Tapos na. Careful ha its heavy.JuziJuiz.Chinkychickens at the caf. Grey clouds.Kuya Tric.Getting soaked by the rain.Yearbook getting wet. Tambay at Dianne's Dorm like the good ol' days. DSLR.Bird Watching as PE.Waiting for Mark. Playing Wii.Rockband2.Eyeofthetiger.That's what you get.ALIVE.No Fail.Hondalicious.I'm Black.Everybody Stare.I'm Black and White.Typhoon. Cinderella.Kalabasa.
Mcdo.Trainride.KuyaNelson.Marie questions.Nightly text.reverse.091008.memories.Happy.Coke.

missing blogging and just basically ranting about life as always...

dorm life can be boring..
I do not have access to internet
and I do not have access to TV, or radio or newspaper
basically
I DO NOT HAVE ACCESS TO THE
OUTSIDE WORLD

law school life can be boring..
I always read more than a million's worth of words
everyday
I face books when I wake up and also when I go
to sleep
I memorize provisions and articles even when
I am just brushing teeth
I don't go out with friends because I have no time
to spare
so basically
I HAVE TURNED INTO A HERMIT NERD

dorm life can be expensive..
I eat out everyday and
pay for every single meal
I pay for the water and the electricity
which I don't always use because
I'm only there about 6 hours everyday
technically
MY WALLET IS THIN BECAUSE OF MISC
EXPENSES

law school life can be expensive..
I pay for 5 inches thick photocopy of cases that
would only be used for a single meeting and
would then photocopy another 5 inches thick of cases
for another meeting
I pay for 2,000php or so books
just so I would not have "kodak" moments in class recits
technically
MY MONEY IS SPENT ON THINGS THAT WASTE
PRECIOUS PAPER

but I am loving the independence and sense of worth that
this kind of life gives me...
so even if some frat boy insults me and
some professor gives me a grade of 5 for recit
I am going to continue..:)

From PleaseFindThis

I read what you leave in public spaces. The songs you reference. The quotes you quote. I know it's about me. I can feel you thinking of me. I want to tell you that I know and admit that I feel the same. But I can't. Not yet.