different.

today I did something spontaneous
nothing wild or anything
just simply out of the normal routine
I guess I needed that...
some light movie and friends to laugh with
pretending for some moments that I have
nowhere else to be, nothing much to do
I needed that...
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i dont like watching tagalog movies
they are often poorly constructed and mushy and boring
but i like toni's films
they always make me laugh and think
i loved this (amnesia girl) movie
because it made me laugh and think
and it made me see
what really constitutes a sorry

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i wanted to believe in forever too
i wanted to be that eternally hopeful and optimistic individual
who believes in fairy tales and romance
and in a happily ever after to every love story
i wanted to be able to trust again
i wanted to believe that somewhere out there
someone like Apollo and Irene exists

-----------------------------

i wish i can offer myself whole to you
sometimes it saddens me that i can't be who i used to be
that what you have to make do of is this broken, complicated
disillusioned version of me
granted i had always been complicated and maybe disillusioned
but i was not broken
at least not to the extent that i am now
maybe you would have dealt better with that version of me

but then I second guess myself again
and think that maybe this version of me
is not all that bad
and that we were fated to meet
at this time in our lives because this is the right time for us
I don't know if what I used to be is better than who I am now
but what I do know is that
I am not that person anymore
I may be complicated, disillusioned and broken
but now I am also more than willing to fix myself and try
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and they are just memories now
vivid and brilliant at times
almost real in fact
but they are exactly that
just vivid and brilliant reminders of what was
almost real but not quite