feelings. (edited LONG POST)

On ne voit bien qu'avec le coeur

L'essentiel est invisible pour les yeux.

-Antoine de Saint-Exupery

from

The Little Prince

----------------------------------------

sometimes people just have to stop thinking

and just feel

Feel the moment

Feel the pain

Feel the joy

Feel Alive

Everything in our world just goes too fast

we're stuck in a whirlwind

We have forgotten how to relax

or so Heidegger says

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

things that are meant to be will always find a way

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First love never dies

The flame wanes

but it never dies

It would always be there

So the care I feel

would always be there

as well

you had me then

you had me till the end

-R.T.F (the sweetest thing I have ever heard)

------------------------------------------------------------------------

It scares me when people seem to profess their "love" for me

so ardently

I always have that nagging doubt

that maybe they were too caught up at the passion of the feeling

and that what they thought was love was really nothing but

a "FEELING"

I have always been distrustful

of people singing me praises

I hated that

it always make me wonder

I don't mind you telling me how you feel

I need to be reassured every now and then

but if you say it all the time

I would probably find you more suspicious than ever

When everything seems to be fine

and we're getting way too close for my liking(not physically!)

I stay away

for awhile at least

coz I want some distance

I ALWAYS needed space

i need to get detached

otherwise I'd get grumpy

and say that you're suffocating me

I freak out whenever someone give me some sort of committment thingy

like a ring or whatever

I feel like I'm being tied down or something

but I wear it nonetheless

I'm too polite not to

hehe

I rarely say how I really feel

I beat around the bush

so are all of these signs of a committment phobic?

YES

what are you going to do about it?

Nothing, because I have to figure it out on my own

otherwise the issues would never be solved

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reminiscent of that first time

on hp7 and jk rowling.

i had just finished reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows this weekend
and yeah I know I was already a week late
but I'm a very busy girl
hahaha
the week the book was launched
I had about a hundred things to do and so many quizzes and LTs to review for
that I had no time to read it even if I had wanted to
and so I settled for the week after
which I must say
was a wrong decision on my part
why?
because a lot of people spoiled it for me already
damn! some people just couldn't shut their mouth..
but oh well
its not really a big deal

moving on..
what can i say about the book?
it was not what i expected it to be
I guess I had just hoped for too much
I still think JK could have done better
the book was good though
and let me reiterate GOOD
not GREAT or SUPERB
hehehe
I wish she let it end at the last chapter
the Epilogue kinda sucks for me
it was like an ending in a very romantically focused fanfiction
my friends could have done better
most of the mystery and suspense were still there though
that's her trademark I suppose
but sometimes there were things that were so predictable
like Snape being in love with Lily (but i must admit, that was sweet)
or R.A.B turning out to be Sirius' brother Regulus
and Harry ending up with Ginny, and Ron with Hermione
i mean c'mon JK!
those were fanfiction staples already!
Should have done something else...
and what's up with the names???
Albus Severus?Scorpius?James?Lily? (ever heard of originality?)
TEDDY? (who in heaven's sake would name their child teddy?!)
Victoire? (what a very weird name to give to your daughter)

oh well..
JK must have been pressured
i think that was why instead of trying something else
she opted to stay on the safe side
and do the fanfiction thingy
after all
that's what the fans wanted
right?

so there...

P.S
i cried when Fred died
hahaha
the way i cried when Sirius and Dumbledore died too
hahaha
goes to show you that I took these books seriously

uhhh
i miss the Marauders
i could almost hear Kasel's voice complaining about Fred's death
and cursing JK for what she'd done
the way she did when Sirius died
hehehe
i miss discussing HP stuffs with them
haaay
i just miss my friends so much
=(

euphoria of winning.

i love winning!

that is why even if I was late for my philo class,
missed training
and wasn't able to watch the Ateneo-Lasalle Game live
at Araneta because my sadistic professor scheduled our
test at exactly the same time as the game
i am still smiling

hahaha

the 80-77 score in favor of Ateneo of course
more than made up for the bad day

im just so happppppyyyyy!!!

go Ateneo!!!

next time, i promise im gonna watch it live

=)
=)
=)

open whatever.

if that had happened a year ago
I would have been thrilled
but unfortunately
it didn't
things are so much different now
I wasn't as crazy about it as I have been before
though admittedly I still am a bit "into" the idea
so there
...

i wouldn't mind doing the simpler thing
but I can't
and for all the wrong reasons too
The worst thing about it
is that I can't even say I'm sorry
or that its fine
because as much as I wanted to
I couldn't lie
...

i'm making things so complicated
and don't know how i could fix it
...
what the hell!
and I haven't even read harry potter book 7!
to think that I was waiting for it to end since
uhm like seven years already
damn!
...

and yeah,
i have been thinking of M.P.S.L
a lot lately
and I don't know why
maybe we'll see each other again or something
weirdness...

more thoughts.

There will come a time in our lives when we start to really
think seriously about the future::::
for some that time may come earlier than most, maybe even when
they're just teenagers
for others it may come at a later age, perhaps when they're in their
50s or nearing old age:::
But regardless of when that would happen, that moment will certainly
change our lives forever:::
i don't mean to sound too "preacherly" its just that i have been thinking
about this kinds of stuff lately:::
my philo and theo classes were all about "You as a person" (whatever
that means):::
those classes were filling my head with stuffs i really don't want to think
about:::
I had a lot of questions before, questions that i honestly don't know the
answers:::
In time though I learned to suppressed them in my mind, I grew tired of looking
for the answers. In short, I gave up and let other people stir my life:::
but those classes made them surfaced again and even managed to add more
questions. Almost suddenly, I found myself again asking, looking, reflecting,
discerning etc.:::
And that "time" I was talking about earlier, it is happening to me now.
When I am 20 years of age and utterly dependent on my parents:::
I thought of what my future could be like and what I could be like 10 or maybe
20 years from now and for the first time in 15 years I don't have an answer.
And that scared the hell out of me:::
For as long as I can think and dream for myself, I knew exactly what I'll be in
the next years of my life:::
I had a plan for myself, I knew were I was going, I knew who I would be and
what I would be doing:::
Nevermind that my plans were really my parents' or that my so-called
dream were actually theirs, at least I had a plan. My life at least made some
sense.:::
But now that I am starting to break away from all that crap
and began questioning life again, I feel suddenly terrified:::
Because now my life is not mapped out for me, there were twists and turns
I didn't expect and there's certainly going to be more,
it suddenly does not make sense:::
I'm scared but I'm going to live it, I'm going to look for answers again and
ride this rollercoaster called life:::
And change my life:::


---------------------------------------
on somewhat trivial things:
bes is moving to quezon city soon, and I unexpectedly felt lonely
because now I'm the only one from the old crowd
who's left here
everybody just started moving out
I felt like I'm being left behind
:
:
I suddenly realized what is wrong with me and
I am actually contemplating on seeing someone
:
:
Two guys said "I love You" to me this morning
and I wished so much that they were both real
because at the moment I don't think they are
:
:
Somebody asked me why I still don't have a serious boyfriend
I countered by asking why is he so interested in my love affairs
He smiled, and concluded something with the way I answered
and I just let him think whatever he wanted to think
:
:
Coz you know what
I was but waiting for you, you fool!
but you would never be man enough to do that
and just to clear things
I am soooo not YOUR girl
and I don't think I ever will

i had a bad day...

i had a bad start this morning
i was late for histo class and because I was
in a hurry
i stupidly left my car keys inside the car
got some Kuya at school to open it up
and he succeeded
unfortunately he also succeeded
in destroying the car lock
so now I have a key but with no lock to open

and this evening
i told my dad about it and as expected i was
reprimanded

but when i really think about it
that incident, i daresay, shows that i am maturing
"i choose to do the good that i know and told truth
rather than try to do things my own way and lie"

hahaha...
i just want to justify my stupidity

let me laugh at myself..