starry starry night...

i really don't know why I'm writing about this
must be that lecture on Vincent van Gogh
anyway
i happened to look up at the stars tonight
there wasn't much to see actually
i only saw a couple of flickering lights
twinkling and dwindling every so often
i tried to remember when I last looked up
at the stars this way
and I was surprised to recall that it had
been years since
i started to wonder then why I never looked
at the stars that way anymore
and I suddenly remembered why
but oh well
that was way in the past now
so anyway
just a few hours ago
I was with friends
we were at our alma mater
taking a break from watching
an eardrum shattering play
and just reminiscing about old times
when we found ourselves
standing in the middle of the field
we were laughing and
everyone just got caught up in the
moment
suddenly an unexpected memory
invaded my mind
and a sense of deja vu washed over me
i turned to look up at the stars then
and realized that even though things
have somewhat minimally change
everything was actually kind of the same
at least the essential things are still
the same
I continued to gaze up at the twinkling
lights above me
and know that
after so many years
i made it back home
because that place whether I consciously
admit it or not
IS REALLY
HOME...



------------------------------------------
just a sidenote:
I was perusing this site
justcurio.us
and I read this really weird questions
from some people in Australia
one asked if Van Gogh is really crazy
hahaha
Van Gogh must really be a hot
topic nowadays
hahaha
and there's a question about stars too
actually I think that's where I got
this idea to write about stars and
van gogh etc.

why fields are wet...

I noticed that the clouds are pink today. It reminded me of a lot of things.
I woke up early and saw the morning mists. I remembered the early morning
conversations over tea .
I heard some guitar strings being plucked in the distance but I am not quite
sure if its real or if I just imagined it.
I was even pretty sure that the sunset would be pretty today. I envisioned
it captured in a lovely photograph.
It was supposed to be a different day. This was supposed to be entirely
about something else and not me.
But plans are always ruined and people always do things differently.
And if to be viewed in a 3rd person point of view, the Transcendent may
have something to do with it not happening.
And so I wonder then why walls are suddenly up. Or why I can't seem to
penetrate them.
What happened to magic and those friendly flying myths?
Why the sealed lips and awkward questions?
I cannot believe that I am JUST a chapter.
It even hurts that I don't even qualify for a book.
But what actually hurts more is the idea that I can be closed.
Its not even WE or US, its just me. THEY not included.
And so that's how I knew why fields are wet...
and why they left grass stains on my black pants...

somnolent.

I surprisingly don't feel tired even after that stressing with law school issues.
I just feel very very very sleepy hence the title.
Its a bit weird really to just feel this way even
after all the long nights spent crying, the weekly arguments and the
early Sunday mornings.
Shouldn't I be feeling at the very least relieved?
But no I just feel so godd*mn sleepy.
Something must be wrong with me.
This morning I woke up thinking about premises and conclusions.
You can just imagine how weird that feels.
The first words out of my mouth were "if p then q" and the
first thing I asked my sister was "what was that formula for mix solutions
again?"
What a way to start the morning right?
tsk tsk tsk...
this is what being obedient
do to me...

on quarter-life crisis and standing on your two feet.

ARTICLE BY GENE VALERIE CHUA

EXACTLY!
and yeah life become so damn unbearable when you have 27 units of
school and LAE to juggle.

may the heavens shower me with luck
that is
if there ever is such a thing as luck...

A moment in a love story.

Train, music room, movie house, courts....etc.

Its not paradise I know but right now I really don't care
because its not hell either.
It doesn't even matter if it means nothing because
as long as I can misinterpret everything I'm fine.
When you slowly intertwine your fingers to mine, when you
purposely tuck a strand of my hair or even when you coyly
glance my way,I feel like I'm a character in a love story.
It really doesn't matter if there is no happy ending.
Actually it doesn't even matter if there is no ending at all
because frankly speaking there is really no beginning
that necessitates an end.
I don't like you. You don't like me.
We have reached that unspoken conclusion a long time
ago.
Are we friends then?
That one I cannot even dare to answer, for I'm afraid
that doing so would jinx this something that we both share.
I am loving the freedom that this gives me.
I can even feel that if I let it, it can take me to places
I've never even imagined I can reach.



Eres Tu by Juan Carlos Calderon

dulot ng mga litrato.

masarap maging bata
madali ang buhay
at walang problema
ang iyong paligid ay puno ng kulay
at malinaw ang
iyong bawat landas
na tatahakin
may mga gumagabay
sa iyo
at tiyak may lalaban
ng dapat sana ay laban mo
ngunit hindi habang-buhay
bata ka
darating ang panahon na tatanda ka
unti-unting lalabo ang mga marka ng
mga landas na iyong tatahikin
may gagabay pa rin naman sa iyo
ngunit wala ng kasiguraduhan kung
may sasagip ba sa iyo o wala
ikaw na ang lalaban sa mga laban mo
mawawalan na din ng tingkad ang paligid
pero may kulay pa din naman
iyon nga lang mahirap mo na itong mapansin
dahil tiyak marami ng problemang
sagabal sa buhay mo
-----------------------------

ngunit natutuwa pa rin ako
sapagkat may mga tao sa buhay ko
na bagaman kasabay kong tumatanda
araw-araw
kasabay ko rin namang lumilingon
sa nakaraan
upang sabay naming tignan
at buhayin ang aming kabataan.

curiously decided.

i honestly can't believe that I have chosen to spend the day
with them
i will probably never forget this for the rest of my life
and i really wonder why that is so...

----------------------------------