carefree.

When i was in hs, i was clueless, i had no prior experience, i just had a present. I could feel what i wanted to feel. I could be selfsh. I could stop caring about the world and focus on my relationshp. it was much less complicated back then. Heck, it was simple. I didnt have to use my mind. I used my heart and i felt.
---S

------------------------------------------------------

one of the few things that I regret in my life
is that I never get to be young and carefree
I had always been an old-soul, a world weary worrier

sometimes I wish things could really be that simple
sometimes I wish that I could just learn to let go
and stop thinking about anything at all
sometimes I wish I am not me

spectacles.

wearing faux spectacles to school is like admitting to your crush your feelings for him: you view the world differently but it still is the same world---Ariel Diccion

"venez comme vous etes"

tributuum.

The day before you left was the day I first stepped foot on your station.
I never played the same songs again because I was afraid to be reminded of you.

Seeing you at the passenger seat of my car made me wistful for the
years you could have spent sitting there.
I almost cried when you looked into my eyes and told me you were happy.

I wasn't able to eat the spicy chicken strips that you ordered because I had
a hard time believing what I was hearing.
And I went to the comfort room not because I was happy but because
I had to splash myself with water so I could calm myself down.

I am embarrassed to admit that I had learned to forget all the little details
in the life we once shared.
And I am sad that you forgot to greet me on many of my previous birthdays.

But I am happy you helped me heal.
And that you stayed true to your promise.
It was more than I ever expected from you.

right words.

It was during the routine NSTP sharing time
that I realized that words can really be that powerful.
And it was also during that day that I decided that
I would not go back to teaching innocent kids unless I can
be totally honest.
It was when I knew the difference between saying
the right things because it is right and saying the
right things because it is the right thing to say at
that moment.
I knew then that I would be hypocritical if I say
something only because that is what the moment
needs and not because it is the right thing to say.

sunny spotless mornings.

I woke up today and discovered that the rays of the sun can reach my bed even with the curtains down.
I look outside my window and saw the sun shining brightly.
I saw yellow all over.
It was a good sight.
A good dose of sunshine.
And of warmth.
A very welcome view.
Especially after the cold of the rain
and the chill of the night.
I love mornings.
More if they are sunny spotless mornings.

.~iris~.

and I don't want the world to see me apparently
cause I don't think that they'd understand I
When everything's made to be broken still
I just want you to know who I am do
-Iris by Goo Goo Dolls-

----------------------------------------

what is fair?

Equity Demands Worker's Share

No society can surely be flourishing and happy, of which the far greater part of the members are poor and miserable. It is but equity, besides, that they who feed, clothe, and lodge the whole body of the people, should have such a share of the produce of their own labour as to be themselves tolerably well fed, clothed, and lodged.

-Adam Smith-


---------------------------------------
In a world where imbalance is the norm, the least we can do is be fair with our dealings with each other. There is already so much inequality in the world, so why wish to add to that?

morning traffic and walks in tree-lined nostalgic places.

i miss driving.
i miss cruising through traffic free roads at 10am
i miss smelling fresh air and brick-lined pathways
i miss seeing the trees and watching people play football
i miss graveled parking spaces and hearing shouts of laughter
i miss orange colored buildings and the ringing of ordinary class bells
i miss young professors and school newspapers that are actually worth reading
auch verfehlten Sie mich schätzen, die, dass i und gefülltes Behältergas mein
sind,an benutztes i-Stationgas dieses nahe mcdo am Lied unser gehörtes i gelangen
---------------------------
How's that for reminiscing?
Hahaha! :))

reversing things twice

i sometimes wonder why i let this happen to me

the same thing over and over

the foolish wishes, hopes and dreams

all romantic delusions

i somehow thought it would be over

convince myself first loser is not my perpetual place

thinking that it is better this way

i think in reverse sometimes

Hoping it will change things

-------------------------------------

written while taking a break from working on that case
p.s i also sometimes wonder what i haven't learned yet that it has to occur over and over

resolution.

apology is not enough without resolution
--Atty. Cabaneiro


so say sorry and move on

volenti non fit injuria

so there I was writing legal memorandums
wracking my brain for good arguments
when all of a sudden butterfly kisses played
on my sister's laptop
and then I just started crying like a baby
which is not really good since I pulled an
all-nighter last night and I have eyebags
the size of a coin already
so now my eyes are not only puffy
they are also so chinky
I looked like an ugly korean actress

i am blaming this on pms and hormones
and senti songs

so yes i do miss my dad
writing pleadings for a case would have been very
easy with him there guiding me
I wouldn't have to spend this much time
doing memorandums because I could just ask him
anything I couldn't understand
Finding arguments wouldn't be a chore because
I could discuss my cases with him and we
would argue till sunrise

but oh well i am no innocent person
i participated willingly in this cold war with dad
so I suppose I just have to live with the consequences

fictional words:

sometimes something triggers that hidden feeling
knocks on the doors or mere hellos
sweet candies or loud songs in fast automobiles
coffee in wet streets and spotless white shoes
even clouds in the rain and starless nights under dirty roofs
and then there's just you...
you and all your triggers

dahil nagulat ako

eh ano un??? bkt may ganun?

ndi ko tuloy alam kung matutuwa ako or malulungkot
bkt kelangan may mga ganung surpresa?
nakakaloka lang
napatitig nalang ako eh sabay sabi "huh?"
galing lang tlga ng timing
palagi nmn eh
oo cge na ikaw na magaling tumiming
nakikita ko pa tlga ung face mo eh
cgurado may ganito pa ";p"
t*ng*na lang!
ok na eh, maayos na
asar lang
kilala mo pa din ako
at oo kht papano kilala pa din kta
wtf lng dba?
as in wtf?!

train stations

I just realized that I associate the people I've been romantically involved with
to various train stations.
It is kinda weird but not that weird. I mean other people also associate past
loves and special someone to things (eg. songs, food)
I just happen to have a more odd choice
for association. ;p

and I also realized how apt it is that if it represent a past,
I rarely go there if at all...

amazing also how representative of the transient nature of my love affairs
you see, my love life was and still is unstable
it had always lacked the constancy needed for stability
much like the fast comings and goings of different trains at
the train stations

there just another epiphany
:)

row row row your boat gently down stream...

taking things slowly
so as not to disrupt the flow
and create untimely ripples
that would destroy the calm

yesterday brought a whole new perspective
something that surprised me to a certain extent
it wasn't about rushing or saying things to quickly
nor was it anymore about broken promises and daydreams
it was just about hanging out, telling secrets and commitment
talking helps I suppose and constant talking really do the trick

ahhh the wisdom of a good rest and sharing
happy morning everyone!

p.s after this my blog posts would probably be short again and rare
hell sem starts tom..wish me luck!

while waiting...

it is already 10am in my clock and still no word from my friends...
I hate waiting. It is one of my pet peeves. People don't make me wait
this long because I'd be totally uncommunicative the whole day and
that is not a good thing. Hahaha!

and so to keep my temper in check, I decided I'd blog instead
and write whatever comes into mind
and let the world make sense of my fragmented ramblings

“It must be good,” she said so quietly that he almost did not hear the words, “to be loved that dearly.”

yeah, it is so easy to feel envious, to feel anger and to feel bitter
and much more easy to succumb to hate
but the morning is always brighter--which is why I love mornings
and then that is when I realize
that easy is not always right
and that I don't like easy
I've always loved challenges
so why opt for easy when you can have adventure?
and the truth is I really can't hate
not because I'm such a saint that all I am capable of is goodness
but only because I can feel pity
and because I can relate
and because I totally understand
I almost wept
Almost
things should have been different
and I shouldn't have been there
and it sucks because now I am there and
I can't do what I always do
and if I can make everyone happy
I'll do almost anything
but I can't
because I don't know how to make
everyone happy
not even myself
and that is just plain sad isn't?

what is more is that I am a sucker for romance
I love happy endings
and if I can make every love story end in a happy note
I'll do it
I want happy endings
for everyone
even at the cost of my own sometimes
and that is just plain "martyr-ish" isn't?

I want to be your last first kiss that you'll ever have
I want to be your last first kiss

I was browsing through my twitter posts and I saw a tweet
from way back when I was super emo
this is it:
waiting for that day when I would be the first pick, first choice, first everything
you see I never get chosen
I always end up seeing them leave
recurrent huh?
but well it happens
must have to relearn something
probably not learned all I have to learn about that
it is kinda tiring isn't?

“It must be good,” she said so quietly that he almost did not hear the words, “to be loved that dearly.”

My time will come I suppose
Gotta be optimistic
but guarded too
the heart does not break just once after all
as I very well knew

ooooohhhh I miss blogging this long
:P

------------------------------

that was what it felt like


like some bipartite being feeling the duality of everything
even in the extremes

wtf


i had forgotten it can be like this; that it can hurt like this

my fragmented thoughts on this.

"....then did I ever stop loving him the way you're supposed to stop loving

everyone but the one you're with?"
--LOVE THE ONE YOU'RE WITH by Emily Griffin

I have always believed that when we fall in love we give part of ourselves to that person we love.
It is what we do when we love, we share ourselves so we can be part of a different whole.
That belief of mine led me to another belief--that when we love someone, we would always
have feelings for that person. The feelings never go away, they might change into something
else or be hidden into oblivion but they would always be just there, ready to resurface at a
slight trigger.

So I suppose we would always be polygamous in that way. I guess we would always be
loving other people aside from the one we're with.

But the difference between the one we're with and the other people we used to love that we
have now established that we still love is that we choose to be with the one we're with.
What sets them apart from the rest is that we made a choice to stay with them.
What matters is not the degree or depth of feelings we have but the choices that we make
because as with everything in life, love is all about making choices.